Over the last five (plus) years, I have dug deep, deep into my soul and into the essence of who I am. I found the deepest, darkest part of my shadow. I sat and still sit with her, I acknowledge her pain, her suffering, her turmoil and I worked through her anger, aches, pains and shameful parts. I have learnt to accept and embrace my shadow, as my shadow is a reminder of just how far I have come and now it doesn’t reflect into my present moment. I turned my suffering into joy. I found my path.
Recently, I felt like I became stuck in mud. Stale mate! Not moving in any directions, maybe it’s the 4 shades of grey as I look out my window. I hate being negative, I hate feeling the waves of complaining but I feel them, I sit with them as they arrive in meditation. The last couple of weeks, I numbed instead of feeling them. I get busy, with everything else but being still and letting my shadow speak. I see and hear her and I try (98% of the time) to let them go. When I get stuck, I look for the silver lining. What is my lesson? Why and what am I projecting? What am I fearing? Usually, my stuck emotion is fear. From fear, I complain, get angry, bitter, frustrated or even better – run for safety! I hide.
For me my greatest challenge is not letting fear, stop me. Working through my fears can be my greatest challenge. I have spent most of my life ‘running’ because it was the safest for me to do. Ever since I was a little girl, I would run and hide because if I wasn’t seen I was safe. But this coping mechanism isn’t helping me anymore and it is one of the hardest patterns for me to break. I want to be seen, I want to be heard and I want to feel and be the real Sarah.
Conquering my fears are simple but they are the deep ones now – fear of my own unique abilities, fear of my own capabilities, fear of my own creative gifts, fear of love (and self love) and fear that I can’t turn my dreams into realities. I can be scared (and tired) of standing on my own in fear of judgement and being alone.
I am bright, open, loving person and I want to radiate like the sun!
This week, I let go, I surrendered and I transformed. By cutting that cord, by opening my heart and finally letting go, I was breaking free. Freedom, liberating freedom, it was ever so sweet and hard.
We create our own obstacles which we over come however it is our mind and situations which limit us to truly moving forward and on our path.
I have been stuck in person, place and situation but it is fear which keeps me locked in and stuck. Fear.
I am fearless
I take action now
I am liberated from fear of failure
#letitgo #surrender #godeep #attachemnt #energyvampire