Oh hello, this is what it feels like to be back in my body ( thank you Fiona)! The last month has been a blur but October always is. This wonderful month each year brings choices, positive, uplifting, as well as grief, heart ache and judgement. Nothing like a good shake up. It always is a reflective month and if forces me to go within and look at what needs shifting. Mercury in Retrograde also added to the intense feelings as well as living through a pandemic, but alas I (we) made it through!
This October was intense, a good intense with so much being bought to the surface, no more hiding, it was time for really, really old patterns, stories to be out in the air to be cleared, I signed off on my settlement, I opened up, I let people in, I found my feet whilst having fun connecting with my Berlin beauties, family at home and friends all over the world whilst teaching my little people.
I have reconnected to my inner workings this path month and in my last post it was finding my purpose. I have really struggled, when there is a struggle I know I need to go within to connect to my higher self. I reread my favouirte book, ‘Peace is every breath by Thich Nhat Hanh,’ a book which I picked up some years ago in Saigon airport, after a wonderful week visiting friends. I had 200,000 Ding Dong left in my wallet and I headed to the book shop and there it was in all it’s glory – I read it in the plane ride home.
The beauty of listening to your heart and not your mind, is the choices you make. I have spent the last seven years healing, diving into sound therapy, physical therapy through body work and yoga but two areas which were lacking in my life which make me so happy is lifting really heavy stuff (grounds me in my body) and creativity. I invested in healing over the past seven years and now it’s time to invest in getting strong whilst remaining soft and vulnerable, a balance. I have my personal trainer and I have hired Rachel my creative coach to help me to stay focused, accountable and mentor me through the next few years.
Listening to my inner self, not anyone else’s opinions, beliefs, but reconnecting to my higher self, my heart desires, wants and needs. This is something that somewhat moved me, but no judgement of what arose. I needed to listen. For what I need, want and desire is a mix between far reaching, courageous, colourful and daring.
The winds shifted this October and I made choices, mainly positive but I also was listening, observing what was going on around me and I enjoyed the changes. I feel that I was at the end of a seven year cycle. Where the winds, water and mountains of Taroko Gorge in Taiwan, woke me up in October 2013 and changed my direction. Where I dived oh so deep into my soul, to heal my traumas, to listen to my inner self, sacrificed what no longer was served me, I became courageous but most of all I found my inner true self, one to whom I had been cut off from for so long. This week is the first time in my life where my inner dialogue matched what I am presenting to the world.
A wise friend told me this year, Berlin is the place where I found myself, and you can’t leave until you have 100% found yourself. He is right, and I am grateful to be in this city and I am well on the way. Winds shifted my direction, my creativity is flowing again and like all good things it is to be continued.